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So today, I totally got into an aisle press with this chick in the dollar store. I was on the candle aisle, and I saw this totally awesome maiden statue. I thought it would look great on my altar, and I could use it as a goddess representation. The only problem was... there was a lady that got in my way. I know what you are thinking. Just wait for her to move... but its not that simple. See she made me mad. I was trying to get down the aisle, but she cut me off on the aisle before it. Then there was a store attendant on the floor at my end of the aisle putting things on a bottom shelf. So in order to get around both of them I had to make a mad dash down another aisle and go around the other end of the aisle I wanted. Only, when I did this, the same lady cut me off again and blocked the entire aisle. So, at first, I figured I would wait until she moved. When I made it blatantly clear that I wanted past her and she didn't move, I got pissed! So I initiated the Store Aisle Press.
The Store Aisle Press is a manuever/energy message I have created over my many years as a shopoholic. In the manuever part, I simply pretend like I am looking at something really close to the person I want to move. I slowly inch closer and closer to them, invading the energy field around their cart. I didn't want to say personal space because that's too close, but I get close enough to where other people looking on to the situation would think I might be with the person I am pressing. This alone makes some people nervous enough to get out of my way. Only the weak spirited, though. There are those select few, like the lady in the dollar store today, who are not bothered by my slight advances. This is where the energy message comes into play. I simply send out from myself the fact that I want them to move as I keep getting closer. If this still does not work, I just stand my ground. You see, this lady in the dollar store was just as much an experianced shopper as I am. So she was using the Store Aisle Press on me in return. Eventually, however, since I am no where near faint spirited, I won out and the lady got mad and pushed her cart around me. I got to the statue and then bought it. I am so proud of myself and my skills as a shopoholic.
So May It Be,
*Unless you are an experianced shopoholic, capable of identifying personality types, do not attempt this manuever on teenage girls and/or soccer moms because they will wipe the floor with you. They will muderlize your brain and you will die. Or just get super pissed. *
Only the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who actually do.